Salacious: To me it means more than satisfactory, or satiated. It means sensually, sexually, lovingly nourished from head to toe both inwardly and outwardly.
Due to my past lives which were brilliantly exposed to me through my family, loved ones, work associates and enemies, I now understand why I was born with a seriously victimised disposition.
As a child I was taught of the detriment and depravity of love, sex and the physical body, so I grew up being appalled and afraid of being genuinely loved by others and the love of self was never in the equation, it was considered vain selfish and self orientated. I was taught to love one another. I was taught to give my love to others to my outside world and sacrifice my own self worth for the benefits of others, then they will return the same grace back to me in the same way. What I wasn't taught was these narcissistic dictators already were.
My upbringing wasn't determining my life, the matrix binary codes in my DNA was attracting the similar codes of my world to me divulging how it should treat me according to past injustices so I could determine who I had become and how I have evolved. My environment was simply my feedback exposed by my alter ego.
Needless to say, I always attracted to me the same type of narcissistic, lying, deceiving, dominating, cold hearted manipulating bullies that I was in my past to apparently love me in the same manner. They played their roles well and every single one mirrored very strong components of my hidden past life personalities. I took sixty years of intense battering before I discovered the word narcissism let alone realise I was a victim of it. Then the liberty bell rang out. If I am playing in the field of narcissism as victim then I must have been the perpetrator of it in all my past lives leading to this one.
If I am the victim this time, then those enforcing their narcissistic skills upon me will be in my shoes next time. This is my “echo." They are my mirrors.
Uncovering the reincarnation continuum, I discovered many of the different paths I walked as both male and female. What I also discovered was PATH REPETITION. The same paths I experienced were taken by family members in this life in exactly the same way. This created uncertainty; but, the similarities served as an understanding of how my family lived the way they did and why. It wasn’t until I was able to access my life between life experiences that it was all revealed.
The similarities are there because my memory imprints are are etched into the binary codes of my DNA and they have cemented me to like minded binary memory codes..
The matrix binary is the universal binary code of the entire cosmos in algorithmic codes and our world and solar system is a minuscule component of it. All the people, places and situations that confront us are one with that matrix system. They are either in front of us leading us or behind following us; but, due to Karma and cause and effect, our paths are cast in stone.
Hypnotherapy resolved many of the confusing issues dealing with my life and it helped me understand the ongoing continuum of reincarnation; however, it didn’t immediately inform me of how to resolve it.
As I started writing more and more, I began creating characters that personified various parts of my character.. I began creating personal inspirational quotes to instill who I wanted to be. The real personification of me was wrapped up in boxes of other people’s opinions of whom, how and what I should act and be like. I was the many different interpretations and expectations of everyone around me. I was a single struggling mother, grandmother, worker carer, pet owner, healer, crystal worker, tarot reader and angel freak. (A cynical criticism from loved ones.) If I stepped out of any of these box extensions I would be punished and not allowed to see my grandchildren or ostracised and forgotten until they required one of my talents again. This is how my exterior world saw me.This is how the love I gave to others was returned to me. My ill health was a major deeming factor. It physically crushed me. My deal to myself was, I would take care of my mother, and then I would get my life back. My father would say “if you don’t believe God has a sense of humour, tell him your plans.” He was right.
My future dream life would be working in a good job of caring for people, dancing, singing and maybe finally meeting my soulmate. Not a big dream but it was mine. I did not at any time allow for drastic ill health. I became unable to work, I’m unable to complete one dance and my voice box has left the building. As for the love of my life; I ballooned to a size twenty. I looked like Tweety bird’s owner. Drastic measures had to be taken. I had to release everybody else’s opinion of me and gain an opinion of my own. In other words I had to learn how to no longer allow victimisation of disease to dictate the rules of my life.
First I had to learn how to truly love me. Just what did that entail? One of the first things I needed to unlearn was my age long opinion of my intense fear of being sexually attractive or loved taught to me by nuns, priests and family members in my childhood. I had to learn that sexually loving me was a good thing. If I wanted an amazing love life I had to start altering my binary codes to attract it to me. I had to alter my perception of sex in general, then how it pertained to me, then how I would appear outwardly.
I deliberately played dancing music and started forcing myself to at least complete a jive. I began doing scales and tried to acquire a voice and then I'd write. I'm determined to get a little stronger everyday. I know I have a fatal lung condition; however, I am not its victim. I respect it has a place in my life and as such there are many restriction in my life, but it isn't the determining factor of my life.
As a result I have reduced my clothes size from size 22 to 12-14. I have lost 5 kgs. I’m finally under the 80kg, which took forever.
I am now a white haired woman, no longer the redhead (that’s one of the advantages of having grandchildren) awesome. No longer called “copper-top”
My outside world is now mirroring my alterations. because I have mad major alteration, it attracts attention I've never seen before; however, what the format is telling me is that I am on the right path. I now have to say “thank you"
When my daughter arrived and she helped me open the flood gates. She saw the woman in me no one else saw. She taught me how to alter my perception of me. She taught no one can love me except me. It is impossible for me to love others if I cannot love my self. Love me, the rest will follow in their time.
I have no idea where all this will lead me.” As Buddha says "don't ask."
What I do know is this. I’m in a focused frame of loving emotion. From that emotion I emanate more feelings of joy and happiness. I allow other to walk their paths their way, and I'm now aware of the infernal 'but zoners," who love to take advantage. Id occasionally slip but I'm bought back to me very quickly.
Yes I have finally melted much of my iceberg and it truly was huge ,but now I'm a warm, loving, funny person and always smiling and it wasn't until I understood the splitting of the cell that I realised why. Now I'm filled with that salacious feeling of completeness an loving it. When a cell is split it reincarnates to duplicate of the original.
That is why I write this blog. You have to recognise that the world is strictly information and any form of reaction to it simply recreates more of the same. Even letting it go is a victimizing reaction. It is what it is; you created it: Now it is over, done, finished. you've learnt all there is to know about it and this is the final result. You don't know your future path and that's okay; but allow it to come regardless. It can't be worse than what you've experienced, so hold tight and don't let go.
The path may not appear better, of that fact I can assure you; for my health became worse and there was no real reason and this created confusion; but, it is still my unknown path, so I let it be and start again, again.